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About Varied / Hobbyist Official Beta Tester Love never dies, but it kills.Female/Australia Group :iconwriters-paradise: Writers-Paradise
 
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100 Poems Challenge

100 Poems Challenge - The rules

1.) Make 100 poems, each one having a theme listed below. Each poem should have ONE and only ONE theme to it, for it to count.

2.) No time limit

3.) Just have fun with it ^_^

4.) The list below is to be placed somewhere in your journal for others to see that......
A.)You are in the challenge
B.)What you have completed

5.) Make sure to update this list and check off what is done and make a link to the poem

6.) In the comments for your art work note if it is part of the list and what ONE theme it is.

7.) Each poem MUST have 4 or more stanza's, or 16 lines

THE LIST............................
[x] 1. Introduction bellabugia.deviantart.com/art/…
[ ] 2. Love
[ ] 3. Light
[ ] 4. Dark
[ ] 5. Seeking Solace
[ ] 6. Break Away
[ ] 7. Heaven
[ ] 8. Innocence
[ ] 9. Drive
[ ] 10. Breathe Again
[ ] 11. Memory
[x] 12. Insanity fav.me/d4v5m61
[ ] 13. Misfortune
[ ] 14. Smile
[ ] 15. Silence
[ ] 16. Questioning
[ ] 17. Blood
[ ] 18. Rainbow
[ ] 19. Gray
[ ] 20. Fortitude
[ ] 21. Vacation
[ ] 22. Mother Nature
[ ] 23. Cat
[ ] 24. No Time
[ ] 25. Trouble Lurking
[ ] 26. Tears
[ ] 27. Foreign
[ ] 28. Sorrow
[ ] 29. Happiness
[ ] 30. Under the Rain
[ ] 31. Flowers
[ ] 32. Night
[ ] 33. Expectations
[ ] 34. Stars
[ ] 35. Hold My Hand
[ ] 36. Precious Treasure
[ ] 37. Eyes
[ ] 38. Abandoned
[ ] 39. Dreams
[ ] 40. Rated
[ ] 41. Teamwork
[ ] 42. Standing Still
[ ] 43. Dying
[ ] 44. Two Roads
[x] 45. Illusion fav.me/d4tn3b0
[ ] 46. Family
[ ] 47. Creation
[x] 48. Childhood fav.me/d4p7mba
[ ] 49. Stripes
[ ] 50. Breaking the Rules
[ ] 51. Sport
[ ] 52. Deep in Thought
[ ] 53. Keeping a Secret
[ ] 54. Tower
[ ] 55. Waiting
[ ] 56. Danger Ahead
[ ] 57. Sacrifice
[ ] 58. Kick in the Head
[ ] 59. No Way Out
[ ] 60. Rejection
[ ] 61. Fairy Tale
[ ] 62. Magic
[ ] 63. Do Not Disturb
[ ] 64. Multitasking
[ ] 65. Horror
[ ] 66. Traps
[ ] 67. Playing the Melody
[ ] 68. Hero
[ ] 69. Annoyance
[ ] 70. 67%
[ ] 71. Obsession
[ ] 72. Mischief Managed
[ ] 73. I Can't
[ ] 74. Are You Challenging Me?
[ ] 75. Mirror
[ ] 76. Broken Pieces
[ ] 77. Test
[ ] 78. Drink
[ ] 79. Starvation
[ ] 80. Words
[ ] 81. Pen and Paper
[ ] 82. Can You Hear Me?
[ ] 83. Heal
[ ] 84. Out Cold
[ ] 85. Spiral
[ ] 86. Seeing Red
[ ] 87. Food
[ ] 88. Pain
[ ] 89. Through the Fire
[ ] 90. Triangle
[ ] 91. Drowning
[ ] 92. All That I Have
[ ] 93. Give Up
[ ] 94. Last Hope
[ ] 95. Advertisement
[ ] 96. In the Storm
[ ] 97. Safety First
[ ] 98. Puzzle
[ ] 99. Solitude
[ ] 100. Relaxation

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Activity


Well.. Mother's Day is upon us today. It's only 1:13 pm and it feels as though it has been an eternity. I felt my depression creeping up on me yesterday and it is very safe to say that it has taken me over today. Went to the doctors earlier in the week, got a medication increase and been given yet another label... PTSD this time, gotta go back and fill out some shit and ring around as I'm being referred to a psych and I have to "choose" one, like that's something you can really do over the phone. 

I know I'm not coping well - whenever I try to voice this to the few closest to me, they down play it or brush it off... at least that is what it feels like, I am sure they don't mean it to be that way. I understand my feelings are very confronting but guess what... I don't know what to do with them either! Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of just changing the subject and moving along, as others do. It's as if I am expected to "snap out of it" because I have survived thus far, like I should draw strength from how much my life has sucked, and just gets worse. To this all I can say is "What if I wanted to break?" What if I am tired of fighting every single day of my life to just "survive". I have not lived a day in my life, I have survived - scrapped through each day barely in tact. Am I seriously expected to do this dance for the rest of my life with no reprieve? What if I'm running on empty, am I still expected to perform with the same tenacity I have displayed previously? I feel like I am hanging on by a thread and no one will listen, as if my feelings and reactions are that of a drama queen. Contrary to popular belief, I don't actually need people treating me as if I am crazy, I already feel like I'm losing it. There is nothing solid, no stability. I'm sick of trying to find the ground.

On top of just how I feel, Summer's father is back to being a dickhead, threat of losing the house is still over my head. Seriously, how much is one person meant to deal with? And I think I could get through if I could even imagine some form of end to this torture, but alas, I do not. I do not seeing life get easier. Ever. It's been on a steady decline for over a decade now and it doesn't improve. Or if it does, it is briefly, to give me hope, then it's gone. Because I love being crushed over and over and over. Sure, it's fine to be optimistic and upbeat when you are only witnessing it, not experiencing it. Plenty of people to offer their sympathy but no one to actually help. Even with Summer. I have no one. I've babysat various children since mum's passing so people could have a break. Anyone to do that for me? Anyone who will even offer? No?? Well there is a fucking surprise. It was kinda funny (but mostly sad); when I went to the docs she asked if there was anyone I could talk to in the mean time, she was pushing me to talk to friends or family. I said "Look, I'm gonna be honest, my mum was all I had and she's gone." I was given the number for a fucking helpline because I lack any kind of decent support. Actually, now I read that back, that's nothing but utterly pathetic. Done.

  • Mood: Tearful
  • Listening to: Nothing Left to Say / Rocks - Imagine Dragons
I want to be "that girl"
With complete confidence
And perfect sanity

Give me a reason to live.

Thu Apr 23, 2015, 1:44 AM
I am trying to overcome my most difficult obstacle yet. My mum, my best friend, the closest person to me in the world... she passed away. I found her out in the garden, she had been gardening that day. I found her outside leaning up against the fence. I don't want to cover more detail than that but needless to say I tried to save her, I failed and it haunts every waking moment. If I had have just checked her earlier, not had my music so loud, hell, if I had have been out there with her... I could have prevented it. I hate myself so much at the moment. 

I would have moved heaven and earth for her. When I tell people that I have lost more than just my mother, they look at me like "Well everyone loves their mum" but it's not just that. She was there for me through everything I had ever endured, she even dragged me through some of it at times. Any problem I had, it did not matter, she was there to talk it out with me. We would finish each others sentences, and then burst out into fits of laughter because we knew it would not be the last time and certainly not the first, but it was always enjoyed. I could talk to her through facial expressions and hand gestures and she would know exactly what I was talking about. We shared the same weird sense of humour. She made me feel like at least somewhere, I belonged - somewhere, someone always cared. She understood my feelings, even if I could not articulate them. 

In this mess of emotions, where I can't actually tell HOW I feel most of the time, the only emotion I am able to identify is anger. Why her? She was 48 years old and she was a DAMN good woman, why would you take her from us? Why would you take her from Summer?? How could any God in their right mind think I would be able to handle what is to come, I can barely handle what is. Not one day has passed since her death that I have not longed to be not of this world. It is a cruel punishment to have your best friend torn away from you, before you got to even see her truly happy. The list of reasons for my anger is endless but frightening, nonetheless. I have never before felt such rage, such loneliness and such despair. There is nothing at the moment that makes me want to keep going, not one thing. Summer, well she could be in better hands, lets face it. 

It's incomprehensible to me that she will not be here for the day Summer makes mainstream (hopefully), or the day I graduate (if I ever go back to uni - don't see the point now); any future grandchildren or the day I marry (if ever hah). Why don't we deserve to have her longer than we did? If someone had have told me I would lose my mum before I was 25, I think I would have knocked them out. 

I don't even know what else to say, lost it. Stressing cos I have an edit that is due and got someone distracting me, and I can't focus nor find a solution for either! Add more problems, like I fucking need that. All I know is right now, I would gladly trade her life for mine. My mum feared death, I do not. I never have. I welcome it with open arms, it just won't take me.

  • Mood: Tearful
  • Listening to: Nothing Left to Say / Rocks - Imagine Dragons

This scar left
Tears the heart from me 
Partially
Severing the trust;
I'm fumbling

To find stable ground
In the haze of the cloud 
Filling me with doubt
As I slowly drown
What happens now? 
When I reach out
You're no where to be found
Emotional drought and I'm -

Scrambling to find the pieces
Bring us peace and 
Protect me and my daughter 
From disharmony
Cos it's a father she seeks
Holds on tight with her fears
Hoping you will be here
And I pray that I'm wrong
So she won't realise her greatest fear

Untitled
One of the biggest wastes as far as writing goes. This was written to explain my situation to a person whom I thought my future would be with, but alas, his eyes will never wander across this. Do with it what you will
Loading...
I woke up this morning
Threw my feet to the floor
In a vain attempt
To push myself through
Another day
And the sun - she greeted me
Through the cracks
Of my curtain
Radiating her light into
A dark and dreary world

Through squinted eyes 
I reach my closet
Combing through
The wreckage
"Hmm, what shall I wear today?

Ah-ha! My favourite."

So I suck in my tummy
Squeeze into
A most vibrant shade
Of happy
But it's so 
Uncomfortable
Awkward
Crushing
Suffocating
"But you look so good!
Just wear it!!"
Another day - discomfort
But I survive
I look pretty
And after all;
That is all that
Really matters
Uncomfortably Happy
I wish I could just make my depression go away, but I can't. It's all I can do to keep others happy.
Loading...
Well.. Mother's Day is upon us today. It's only 1:13 pm and it feels as though it has been an eternity. I felt my depression creeping up on me yesterday and it is very safe to say that it has taken me over today. Went to the doctors earlier in the week, got a medication increase and been given yet another label... PTSD this time, gotta go back and fill out some shit and ring around as I'm being referred to a psych and I have to "choose" one, like that's something you can really do over the phone. 

I know I'm not coping well - whenever I try to voice this to the few closest to me, they down play it or brush it off... at least that is what it feels like, I am sure they don't mean it to be that way. I understand my feelings are very confronting but guess what... I don't know what to do with them either! Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of just changing the subject and moving along, as others do. It's as if I am expected to "snap out of it" because I have survived thus far, like I should draw strength from how much my life has sucked, and just gets worse. To this all I can say is "What if I wanted to break?" What if I am tired of fighting every single day of my life to just "survive". I have not lived a day in my life, I have survived - scrapped through each day barely in tact. Am I seriously expected to do this dance for the rest of my life with no reprieve? What if I'm running on empty, am I still expected to perform with the same tenacity I have displayed previously? I feel like I am hanging on by a thread and no one will listen, as if my feelings and reactions are that of a drama queen. Contrary to popular belief, I don't actually need people treating me as if I am crazy, I already feel like I'm losing it. There is nothing solid, no stability. I'm sick of trying to find the ground.

On top of just how I feel, Summer's father is back to being a dickhead, threat of losing the house is still over my head. Seriously, how much is one person meant to deal with? And I think I could get through if I could even imagine some form of end to this torture, but alas, I do not. I do not seeing life get easier. Ever. It's been on a steady decline for over a decade now and it doesn't improve. Or if it does, it is briefly, to give me hope, then it's gone. Because I love being crushed over and over and over. Sure, it's fine to be optimistic and upbeat when you are only witnessing it, not experiencing it. Plenty of people to offer their sympathy but no one to actually help. Even with Summer. I have no one. I've babysat various children since mum's passing so people could have a break. Anyone to do that for me? Anyone who will even offer? No?? Well there is a fucking surprise. It was kinda funny (but mostly sad); when I went to the docs she asked if there was anyone I could talk to in the mean time, she was pushing me to talk to friends or family. I said "Look, I'm gonna be honest, my mum was all I had and she's gone." I was given the number for a fucking helpline because I lack any kind of decent support. Actually, now I read that back, that's nothing but utterly pathetic. Done.

  • Mood: Tearful
  • Listening to: Nothing Left to Say / Rocks - Imagine Dragons

deviantID

BellaBugia
Love never dies, but it kills.
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Australia
My name is Karissa, I'm 21. I started writing a little over a year ago but it's always kinda been an on and off thing. I have a beautiful little girl named Summer, she keeps me on track. I love her more than anything in this world and I'd do anything to protect her. I'm weird, I'm stupid and insanely immature, but it keeps life interesting. I generally don't like to take things too seriously but I can when the occasion calls for it. Anything else you wish to know just ask =) Thanks for stopping by, guys :heart:

Current Residence: The merry old land of Oz
Interests

Comments


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:iconautumnsky66:
autumnsky66 Featured By Owner May 21, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday! :huggle: :heart:
Reply
:iconsgo-manator:
sGo-Manator Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the favorite
Reply
:iconclaudio51:
claudio51 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks a lot for the fav!
Reply
:iconmisdmeanor:
MisDmeanor Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for Watching too! :hug: :rose:
Reply
:iconmisdmeanor:
MisDmeanor Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the :+fav: :heart:
Reply
:iconmoricca:
Moricca Featured By Owner May 22, 2014
Thank you for the favorite, it means something to me :)
Reply
:iconautumnsky66:
autumnsky66 Featured By Owner May 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday!!! I hope you have an amazing day :heart: :huggle:
Reply
:iconbymichaelx:
byMichaelX Featured By Owner May 19, 2014   Traditional Artist
Thank you so much fav! :) it's very appreciated.

www.facebook.com/byMichaelX?re… ----------> like my page :heart: :heart: :heart: 

:hug: :heart:
Reply
:iconprincessisabell:
princessisabell Featured By Owner May 16, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank You sooo much for :+fav:
 Long way to home by princessisabell    
Have a great day !! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconyurippi-nakamura:
Yurippi-Nakamura Featured By Owner May 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
ur daughter is lucky to have a sweet mom like you she must be able to relate to u a lot ^^
Reply
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