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Literature by WRITERandPOET

Words by ArikaRinkishika

texte by BloodyDragon22


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Submitted on
March 23, 2012
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Sta.sh Writer
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Unsteadily I walk
Upon a delicate sheet of ice that could cave
At any given moment
The moonlight kisses my face
And implores the stars to guide my way home
Frosty winds hum the illusion of your voice
That ignites a fire deep within my soul

Darkness stretches on for eternity
Deafening silence shatters the night
As soft, white flakes fall from the sky
Painting an Arctic masterpiece
Vivid images of you drive me onward
Will I make it to the other side?
Will you be there waiting for me?

The crisp crunch of snow 'neath my boots
Makes my heart pound with every step
I catch a glimpse of you across the way
Are you real?
Is this real?
My feet in time with my heartbeat, I race toward you
Calling out your name
Arms outstretched wearing a wicked smile
You welcome me
Stop.
C
  r
   a
     c
       k
Suspended in time as the ice splits
One last glimpse of that twisted smile
And in that single moment
Everything was perfect
Unsure on the title. I suck with titles v.v Let me know if you guys think of a better one.
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:iconstorytellingchoir:
StoryTellingChoir Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I love the imagery you've put into it. It responds very well to the progressive story.

The end of the story was a bit undefined in my head - I understand that everything seemed perfect as he smiled, but it's as if there's some sort of panic gripping her before everything is perfect. The panic is what is forgotten in that short instant where everything is perfect, but she's slipping into what could be her death... All I'm trying to say is, that it's as if the order of feelings/sensations is off in the end. All the way through the stories movement, there are perfect questioning and doubt, perfect imagery and great wording, so it's weird that suddenly, you turn that composition upside down.
And his twisted smile, it just ends odd inside my head. Nonetheless very enjoyable piece!
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:iconbellabugia:
BellaBugia Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I greatly value the insight you have provided =D It was a personal thing I was going through so I guess, I have more understanding but haven't displayed it. Something to watch out for next time! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and your feedback, greatly appreciated!
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:iconstorytellingchoir:
StoryTellingChoir Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I enjoy reading your works, so it's only fair I give you my opinion and my (hopefully) constructive criticism =) A personal thing, I won't ask you to tell, but as seen from the point of this literature, it was a rather complex thing. I hope your understanding of the happening has improved the situation greatly.
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:iconnightmeadow:
NightMeadow Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2012
This is so great! I love the detailes and your very artistic language! Lovely!
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:iconbellabugia:
BellaBugia Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
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:iconnightmeadow:
NightMeadow Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2012
:D
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:iconbeautypanda:
BeautyPanda Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It was perfect for but a moment....might be a good title. Up to you, it's your poem. I like it very much! Wonderful writing as always.
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:iconbellabugia:
BellaBugia Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much :heart:
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:iconbeautypanda:
BeautyPanda Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Most welcome. <3
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:iconcalumdc:
CalumDC Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Marvellous as always :)
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