Where do I go from here? Feels like this big crack has appeared and now everything I've kept together is falling out. My mother is dragging me off to the doctors in a few hours, I guess I really do need it. I don't want the meds, I hate what they do to my head. I've never felt as dumb in my entire life as I do those first few hours after having them. Then if I don't take them I stress that bad that I don't eat, sleep, or cope with anything really. By early evening, I feel like I need to be put in an institution. Been without meds for.. idk. Week and a half now? Can't handle the dizzy feeling and the shocks in my head and body any longer. That's the only reason I have agreed to go. Would you rather feel drunk or like you're being belted/zapped in the brain and various other parts of your body in stressful situations? Which, at the moment, is a majority of my waking state. I'm finding the tone of Summer's noises, not all, but some in particular, seem to cause this effect also. So if you had to choose, would you choose to keep your intellect and ability to process thoughts in an orderly fashion or would you choose to drown that part of yourself to "function" I guess you could say. Right here, right now, in this very moment.. I choose neither.
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