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About Varied / Hobbyist Love never dies, but it kills.Female/Australia Group :iconwriters-paradise: Writers-Paradise
 
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Literature
Untitled Draft
I want to be "that girl"
With complete confidence
And perfect sanity
:iconBellaBugia:BellaBugia
:iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 1 1
Literature
Untitled
This scar left
Tears the heart from me 
Partially
Severing the trust;
I'm fumbling
To find stable ground
In the haze of the cloud 
Filling me with doubt
As I slowly drown
What happens now? 
When I reach out
You're no where to be found
Emotional drought and I'm -
Scrambling to find the pieces
Bring us peace and 
Protect me and my daughter 
From disharmony
Cos it's a father she seeks
Holds on tight with her fears
Hoping you will be here
And I pray that I'm wrong
So she won't realise her greatest fear
:iconBellaBugia:BellaBugia
:iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 4 0
Literature
Uncomfortably Happy
I woke up this morning
Threw my feet to the floor
In a vain attempt
To push myself through
Another day
And the sun - she greeted me
Through the cracks
Of my curtain
Radiating her light into
A dark and dreary world
Through squinted eyes 
I reach my closet
Combing through
The wreckage
"Hmm, what shall I wear today?

Ah-ha! My favourite."
So I suck in my tummy
Squeeze into
A most vibrant shade
Of happy
But it's so 
Uncomfortable
Awkward
Crushing
Suffocating
"But you look so good!
Just wear it!!"
Another day - discomfort
But I survive
I look pretty
And after all;
That is all that
Really matters
:iconBellaBugia:BellaBugia
:iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 6 4
Literature
Music
No one understands me
Like you do
Take me away
With your melody
That plays through the night
Your strings speak
The song of my soul
Transforming my thoughts
Into lyrics
No, nobody understands me
Not like you
For that
I'll always be your slave
:iconBellaBugia:BellaBugia
:iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 6 1
Mature content
Self-hate :iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 1 0
Mature content
Untitled :iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 0 0
Literature
Just Breathe
I dreamed of you last night
Oh, how perfect you were
Brilliant white cheeks; tinged blue
By death's tender kiss
"Open your eyes, baby"
I stroked your hair;
Kissed your forehead
I loved you as if you were mine - 
Held you close
But alas, you never were
"Breathe, baby. Just breathe..."
:iconBellaBugia:BellaBugia
:iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 8 4
Literature
Untitled
What gives you the right to breathe
While gasping for air; I bleed
My tortured soul left scattered
Buried way down beneath
The surface; my purpose
On earth is nothing beyond existing cos
I'm the wrong shade of perfect
:iconBellaBugia:BellaBugia
:iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 0 0
Literature
Untitled
Pain grows stronger
With each breath that I take
Feeding the devil inside
Borne of darkness and hate
Take all of me, hell
Take my final breath
Angels have forsaken me;
Demons are all I have left
:iconBellaBugia:BellaBugia
:iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 1 0
Literature
Untitled Draft
What do you do when the pain
Creeps into your brain?
Leaving behind the wreckage - 
Ripping out  your "sane"
How do you maintain
The strength from day to day
With the force that you hate
One day you'll fall on your face
A disgrace, replace the evil displaced
I didn't fall, I was pushed;
That's how I "fell" from grace
:iconBellaBugia:BellaBugia
:iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 3 3
Mature content
Untitled. :iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 5 1
Literature
Sometimes
Sometimes I want to burn down the world
Destroy something beautiful and
Bask in the remains
Sometimes.
:iconBellaBugia:BellaBugia
:iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 6 2
Literature
My Angel
Forgive me, my mistakes
Hold not my anger against me
Show mercy toward my frustration
Sweet Angel, hear my plea
For I know I've a lot to learn, but
Your song I'll always sing
Walk with me, my Angel
I can fly upon your wings
:iconBellaBugia:BellaBugia
:iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 13 5
Literature
Nightmare
How do you fall and avoid the break?
How much torment can one life take?
Where do you run when you cannot escape?
You can't fight the nightmare that haunts your wake.
:iconBellaBugia:BellaBugia
:iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 14 9
Mature content
Bitter Taste of You :iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 4 5
Literature
Broken Pieces
In an instant 
It shatters
Pick up the pieces
Bond them with the glue of mistrust
Re-frame that perfect picture
That you hold so dear
:iconBellaBugia:BellaBugia
:iconbellabugia:BellaBugia 21 10

Favourites

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Literature
058. Heartfelt Apology
Tell her you're sorry,
A heartfelt apology.
Do not part angry!
:iconcattservant:cattservant
:iconcattservant:cattservant 2 2
Literature
It's not easy being a guy
You may think without a doubt,
in the depths of your mind,
That it's easy being a male,
but let me tell you, that's a lie
Do you know how it feels,
to reach societies expectations,
and if you fail to do so,
must give everyone an explanation?
Or the pain you feel,
when walking with a group of friends,
and a lone girl walks by,
and you stare at her instead.
Not because you lust over her,
or because she's revealing,
put because she has beauty,
like an angel in the clearing.
But you must want to rape her,
or call her a slut,
and because of wishful thoughts,
you have the right to be punched in the gut.
And what's the point of compliments,
when they come from your heart,
you're obviously being sexist,
wasn't that your intention for the start?
Do you know how it feels,
to be raped and feel meaningless,
but to be shunned by society,
And blamed for feeling so senseless.
You are a guy,
“strong proud and tall”
you're not a girl,
so it doesn't matter at all.
That is painful,
to hear an
:iconYamiga:Yamiga
:iconyamiga:Yamiga 58 32
Literature
Rape
I am a seventeen year old boy
I have determination in my bright blue orbs.
My smile can calm even the strongest tempest.
My friends are nothing short of amazing,
and my family...well, they are some of the most
supportive people I have in my life.
I'm going to make it big. Have a family,
live in a big house.
I'm going to marry my princess, have money
and success.
I'll be happy.
And my children will look up to me,
so will my wife. I'll protect them,
I'll be their role model.
I'll be the grandpa my grand kids love.
I'll live a long life, until it's time for me to go.
And even then, I'll be smiling down, not ready
to really depart from happiness.
OoOoOoO
I'm a seventeen year old boy,
and my tears stain my ruffled jacket.
I can't smile like I used to, but I try.
But I'm still so lonesome.
Where were the friends that understood me?
Where was the family that supported me?
They try, but I can't let them in.
My future crumbles, my wife vanishes,
my children...their children, drown in the
pool o
:iconYamiga:Yamiga
:iconyamiga:Yamiga 57 14
Literature
Fork in the Road
A fork in the road is not necessarily an impasse,
but perhaps two long seductive curves;
ultimately arriving at the same destination..
:iconMisDmeanor:MisDmeanor
:iconmisdmeanor:MisDmeanor 10 1
Literature
057. Slow Down
I just have to slow down
take a moment to breathe
or else I'll lose
the real me.
:iconGoldenByNature:GoldenByNature
:icongoldenbynature:GoldenByNature 4 2
Literature
056. Everything For You
Don't tell me
"I'd do anything for you".
Dying for me isn't
something I want you to.
:iconGoldenByNature:GoldenByNature
:icongoldenbynature:GoldenByNature 1 0
He Remembered Her by ArgusPaul He Remembered Her :iconarguspaul:ArgusPaul 17 6

Activity


Well.. Mother's Day is upon us today. It's only 1:13 pm and it feels as though it has been an eternity. I felt my depression creeping up on me yesterday and it is very safe to say that it has taken me over today. Went to the doctors earlier in the week, got a medication increase and been given yet another label... PTSD this time, gotta go back and fill out some shit and ring around as I'm being referred to a psych and I have to "choose" one, like that's something you can really do over the phone. 

I know I'm not coping well - whenever I try to voice this to the few closest to me, they down play it or brush it off... at least that is what it feels like, I am sure they don't mean it to be that way. I understand my feelings are very confronting but guess what... I don't know what to do with them either! Unfortunately, I don't have the luxury of just changing the subject and moving along, as others do. It's as if I am expected to "snap out of it" because I have survived thus far, like I should draw strength from how much my life has sucked, and just gets worse. To this all I can say is "What if I wanted to break?" What if I am tired of fighting every single day of my life to just "survive". I have not lived a day in my life, I have survived - scrapped through each day barely in tact. Am I seriously expected to do this dance for the rest of my life with no reprieve? What if I'm running on empty, am I still expected to perform with the same tenacity I have displayed previously? I feel like I am hanging on by a thread and no one will listen, as if my feelings and reactions are that of a drama queen. Contrary to popular belief, I don't actually need people treating me as if I am crazy, I already feel like I'm losing it. There is nothing solid, no stability. I'm sick of trying to find the ground.

On top of just how I feel, Summer's father is back to being a dickhead, threat of losing the house is still over my head. Seriously, how much is one person meant to deal with? And I think I could get through if I could even imagine some form of end to this torture, but alas, I do not. I do not seeing life get easier. Ever. It's been on a steady decline for over a decade now and it doesn't improve. Or if it does, it is briefly, to give me hope, then it's gone. Because I love being crushed over and over and over. Sure, it's fine to be optimistic and upbeat when you are only witnessing it, not experiencing it. Plenty of people to offer their sympathy but no one to actually help. Even with Summer. I have no one. I've babysat various children since mum's passing so people could have a break. Anyone to do that for me? Anyone who will even offer? No?? Well there is a fucking surprise. It was kinda funny (but mostly sad); when I went to the docs she asked if there was anyone I could talk to in the mean time, she was pushing me to talk to friends or family. I said "Look, I'm gonna be honest, my mum was all I had and she's gone." I was given the number for a fucking helpline because I lack any kind of decent support. Actually, now I read that back, that's nothing but utterly pathetic. Done.

  • Listening to: Nothing Left to Say / Rocks - Imagine Dragons

deviantID

BellaBugia
Love never dies, but it kills.
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Australia
My name is Karissa, I'm 21. I started writing a little over a year ago but it's always kinda been an on and off thing. I have a beautiful little girl named Summer, she keeps me on track. I love her more than anything in this world and I'd do anything to protect her. I'm weird, I'm stupid and insanely immature, but it keeps life interesting. I generally don't like to take things too seriously but I can when the occasion calls for it. Anything else you wish to know just ask =) Thanks for stopping by, guys :heart:

Current Residence: The merry old land of Oz
Interests

Comments


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:iconstorytellingchoir:
StoryTellingChoir Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
How are things coming along? Thought about you the other day and figured that perhaps, you've made your return to DA... 
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:iconautumnsky66:
autumnsky66 Featured By Owner May 21, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday! :huggle: :heart:
Reply
:iconsgo-manator:
sGo-Manator Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the favorite
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:iconclaudio51:
claudio51 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks a lot for the fav!
Reply
:iconmisdmeanor:
MisDmeanor Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for Watching too! :hug: :rose:
Reply
:iconmisdmeanor:
MisDmeanor Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the :+fav: :heart:
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:iconmoricca:
Moricca Featured By Owner May 22, 2014
Thank you for the favorite, it means something to me :)
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:iconautumnsky66:
autumnsky66 Featured By Owner May 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday!!! I hope you have an amazing day :heart: :huggle:
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:iconbymichaelx:
byMichaelX Featured By Owner May 19, 2014   Traditional Artist
Thank you so much fav! :) it's very appreciated.

www.facebook.com/byMichaelX?re… ----------> like my page :heart: :heart: :heart: 

:hug: :heart:
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:iconprincessisabell:
princessisabell Featured By Owner May 16, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank You sooo much for :+fav:
 Long way to home by princessisabell    
Have a great day !! :tighthug:
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